MY story

I had just left an extremely abusive relationship. I was separated, divorcing and looking for companionship that was healthy when I got pregnant. It wasn’t planned and I was on BC. This baby was so loved and wanted. I had dreamed of them for years. The father happened to have a LOT of mental issues that concerned me when it came to sharing time with him. I was not aware of these issues until it was too late. I could not imagine sending my precious child into that and I would have had to. I had asked him if I could give them up for adoption and he refused. He wanted custody and that could NoT happen. This child needed protection from both of the men in my life. At the time I was barely able to feed my son and my car was stolen by my ex. I couldn’t get to work nor could I get anywhere else. The night I told my soon to be ex husband he fought me, got in his car and pulled out a pistol which he placed at my temple. “If I can’t have you no one can.” My 3 year old son stood at the kitchen door in the middle of nowhere. He wouldn’t have been found for quite a while and I knew I had to protect both of them at all costs. I told him I loved him and wanted to be with him so that he wouldn’t murder me in our driveway. I was forced to get an abortion by him because the baby was biracial and he was very racist and obviously hated anything to do with the child. I could not have this baby in that position. I was emotionally tortured as a kid because of who my parents were. There was NO WAY I was letting this happen to my child. For the next 2 years I worked night shift just so we wouldn’t be around each other much and I planned my escape. I was lucky. I did get out. I know my baby probably went through pain and I have destroyed myself over making that decision but I am proof that sometimes death is better than life.