Rain Rain go Away

I get depressed easily.. maybe It's because I take everything in so seriously.. yeah I'm a joker.. I cut up and act like a fool.. I'm not a serious kind of person.. by no means... but when something hurtful or degrading.. or negative happens to me.. I hold on to it.. forever.. I don't forget anything.. hardly... I horde hurtful feelings inside all the time...If someone said that my belt didn't match my pants... Oh it would just tear me all to pieces and I would never forgive that person for hurting my feelings.. of course I can still be friends with the people who hurt me... Yeah.. I can still work with them.. even love them.. but I hold that hurt... and I don't let it go.. I don't know why.. Maybe... because... It's a familar feeling.. and that by holding it in it doesn't hurt as bad the next time? Well If I knew I wouldn't do it.. I guess... Anyway my Dr put me on zoloft.. which is an antidepressant.. (hehe.. I thought it was for stress... *shrugs*) I haven't felt the need to cry... or the want to cry for 3 weeks now.. but today.. just as soon as I was alone in my car.. tears just kept pouring out... I couldn't stop them.. I could hardly see to drive.. and they continued all night.. I've just felt so down today..like I've just been covering up all of the stuff for 3 weeks.. and they all hit today... I hurt so bad... it's like I'm hiding behind this smile and joke..... and I can't get anyone to understand how I feel... People think my reasoning for being upset is stupid.. but... it's real to me.. it hurts me.. it makes me feel alone in my pain... I feel lost inside my own skin... I feel alone in my own world... I feel desperate to stop hurting...