Warning: Viewer Discretion is Advised

Curious minds think outside the box... Bleeding hearts feel outside the box... Fearful souls... stay there.. in the safe confines of 4 walls.. and depending on the quantity of fright... possibly 3... Then there are people like me.. with curiosity and paranoia.. who peek out.. but don't have the guts to completely emerge. Trusting others comes hard to us.. We continuously have to be on watch for dangers.. not necessarily physical... Mostly emotional, mental.. but physical harm is sometimes present... especially when the mind, heart, and soul isn't capable of protecting oneself.. and there's no one present who gives a shit enough to keep you safe... I know it seems I complain way to much for someone who is doing so well in life... My writing is my outlet.. I carry my smile through my days and a brave face through my nights.. but deep down I carry the hurt, pain, tears, fear, and hate. In order to be able to smile when I hurt.. I need to release the pressure... to keep from filling completely to the top with negativity.. and leaving enough room to love the ones who deserve my adoration... and the ones who require it... This is my way of letting it out.. without burdening others... or hurting them.... When you read my words... it's not to make you feel the way I feel.... It's not to place blame or for any sort of recognition... It's for me.....

*loveyabye*

Unconditional on one condition

Curly brown hair.. pretty blue eyes... crinkled up nose.. memories remembered.. that are quite different from reality..You remember smiles and laughter.. I remember fear and pain...You say you were there.. I recall needing you.. your hate for me fills up your time.. with thought out plans.. on again off again... you open a door that I need to keep closed... to live.. to thrive.. to survive.. You play the game well.. but you forget.. I learned from the best.. I know how to stop you at your own game.. I'll not roll the dice.. I don't gamble on life.. I need to fill your spot.. but you are the only one who will fit... like a square peg in a round hole... I cry for you still... just like when life was suppossed to be innocent... Only opposite.. where I was once an adult trapped in a child's body.. I'm now a child trapped in an adult's body... My inner peace will never rest... My outer appearance reminds me everyday.. of you... of your pain.. of the pain you willed to me.. in my heart you are dead... in my life you must be... you may live on.. but I can't live on with you.... or without you... I hate you for allowing me to hate you... I hate you for not allowing me to let you go.. Stop torturing me.. I've suffered because of you enough.. let me live Mom...

Just let me live