To all the Boys I've loved before

Jake, I'm sorry that you felt the need to lie to me.. You were my first.. and I thought I was yours.. I was only 15 then.. so I had an excuse to be naive. Bill.. I'm sorry you only saw me as a person to fill in when your true love was gone.. Shoulda just been up front with me.. John.. I'm sorry I was such a horrible girlfriend.. I'm glad you are happy now... We had so much fun in the 5 years we were "together" you are still my family.. allways will be. Joel.. you were such a butthole.. (for lack of a better word) a 37 year old who took advantage of a 17 year old... I wish I had known about statutory rape.. I would have busted you so good... Sean.. We were so different.. you were grunge.. I was country.. I'm sorry.. to your brothers and your mom too.. I'm older now.. and can see.. I had some issues.. I hope you are doing well. Rusty.. I'm sorry I wasn't the kind you could take home to meet mom.. Just take home.. Jamie.. We didn't get a chance to actually see what we could have become.. I understand why.. and I apologize for putting you in that position... Drew.. Same goes for you.. Jamie.. Same as Rusty.. Jeffery.. you were so young.. I broke your heart I know.. I'm probablly paying for that now.. so.. sleep sound.. Stacie.. LOL.. you were my payback guy.. I'm sorry I left without saying goodbye.. It was probablly what you wanted anyway.. Joe.. Thanks for our "date" I'm glad you did the "deal" on the first date.. that way I didn't waist anymore time on you... Scott.. I know you are probably the second person I've had to truly love me.. (the first being John...) I'm sorry we couldn't make it.. we are better parents than we are husband and wife... I like being friends with you.. I hated fighting... Paul.. You showed me a lot of stuff about myself.. I wish you could have just been honest.. and stopped being so crazy.. you didn't have to impress me... All I've ever wanted was someone to be there and think of me when they weren't... and maybe you did that.. but you did a lot of other insane things too... I'm sorry I killed our baby.. To my soulmate.. the one I've yet had the chance to meet.. wherever you are out there in the world.. please don't make me suffer anymore.. I've allways said my match was probably on the beach drinking martini's surrounded by beautiful half naked women.. and I'm gonna kick your arse when I find you LOL.. seriously.. I look at my son sometimes and wonder if he'll be one of these people.. I hope he's a mix between his father n I.. I try to teach him how to treat women.. How precious love can be.. and how honesty and thoughtfulness can go a long way... I'm so tired of these screwed up relationships that I could puke.. Lesbianism has crossed my mind.. but it would be the same.. there's not one person out there that could be what I need them to be.. no where.. I'm such a stupid person for thinking there could be... I'm not normal.. maybe my lesson in this life is to be alone.. that's the thing I've been running from all this time.. I should just move back to Richmond.. into my own little apartment.. and live.. alone..

loveyabye