Monday Moans

Hehe.. Technically it's Monday.. Alright I've been fooling with this danged thing at least an hour.. now I remember why I got fed up and deleted the old site.. LOL.. whew.. Anywho.. I was sitting here thinking about differences in people.. When you go to find a person to spend your time with.. how totally confused you can get.. I guess I'm a little insecure.. ok a lot.. I guess.. maybe.. shuddup.. Sometimes it kills me not to know exactly what the other person is thinking.. I've allways been that way.. I Have to know everything.. not just other peoples thoughts.. (rofl.. I'm so nosey) but everything.. I'm such an information junkie... Maybe I'm so old I don't understand how these youngin's work LOL.. I guess that's what I get.. It's just the thoughtful things.. I guess.. like saying Hello.. goodbye.. lol.. um.. "I just called to see how you were.. Having a good day?" And don't get me wrong.. I love being naughty sometimes.. but isn't there a time for tenderness as well? Gawd.. I'm so out of times I guess.. That's what happens when you are stuck in a room for 5 years.. I figured the world would wait on me.. yeah right.. and lord.. what a difference in ages.. someone that is 40+ *shiver* can be so much more immature than someone half thier age... yet .. I dunno.. *sigh* Maybe I'm looking at things to closely.. scruntizing words that really don't mean anything.. Maybe I'm just stupid for thinking that the one is actually out there.. I'm picky yeah.. I'm a perfectionist to a degree.. I'm spoiled.. I'm pampered.. I like that.. I'm sorry.. I think my perfect person would be a mix between people I know now.. Soft, Caring,tender, holding me on a pedestal, sitting me on a pillow (LMAO.. I still laugh at that.. hehe.. Jay you are so crazy) realizing that I need to be shown that loving side.. and then there's the hard core boy part.. muscle cars, rock n roll, masculinity,testosterone,taking control while the soft side makes sure it's ok..lol,dirty feet, drivin' fast,getting sweaty, then there's the smart part.. the person you can have conversations with for hours and never get bored, they know a whole lot... but about nothing.. lol like me.. I love being called baby.. I guess that stems from my Daddy.. He used to call me that all the time.. I love driving down the road and be thinking of someone and they call just to say hello.. How are you? I love it when someone says.. "Have you eaten today?" or "You look nice tonight.. Man your eyes are so pretty" I love being naughty and hard core one day.. and the next day they bring tears to my eyes by being so soft... I love it when someone cooks for me.. runs me a bubble bath..I used to say I wanted to be loved like a country song.. with total completeness.. But.. I've had that and it's not all that great having someone thinking about you 24 7 and nothing else.. if you can't give that kind of total commitment.. then.. it gets a little annoying after a while.. Everyone needs other interests.. and not just made up ones.. ones that really grab you by the soul.. or just ones you have fun doing. I guess it's hard to love someone like me.. Maybe that's why I've never really expeirenced a healthy sorta love kinda thing.. You know you see these people who've been married 15+ years.. (that's a long time to people like me.. sad huh?) and you wonder.. Do they stay together because they truley love each other.. or has it been so long that the change of divorce would be wierd.. Are they actually soulmates.. and can't stand to be without each other.. or do they just not want to see the other with someone else... or.. is it just easier staying together.. I dunno.. Marriage isn't really what everyone cuts it out to be.. at least not to me.. it's hard work.. Yeah it's awesome to have someone want to commit to you like that.. vow to allways be there.. they don't tho.. that's like me taking a vow of silence.. yeah right.. and the first time I see someone at work wearing thier thong a little to high.. I'm gonna talk about it.. get real... How can someone love someone else for a lifetime? I dunno I've never met anyone that could stand me for longer than oh say 7 years LOL... and even then I couldn't stand them... John.. my high school sweetheart/best friend was pretty cool.. I could stand him.. the only thing was we didn't want the same things.. He was messy.. lazy.. and I wanted to see what it was like to be a 19 y/o girl living in Pigeon Forge.. no curfew.. no parents.. a young adult...lol.. We were good best friends..He knew how to handle me.. of course our relationship wasn't perfect either... but he was thoughtful...We had fun together I hope he's happy now.. Last I had heard he had gotten married and had a little girl..ahh babies...they can complicate things too.. but they are so darned cute.. I love babies...I had someone tell me today that they would give me a head massage (don't ask) everyday.. if they had time.. You know that's what I want.. (for now anyway) someone who would do those things.. if life wasn't allways in the way.. someone who thinks of the things they would love to do for me.. even if they don't get to do them..(Of course I'd have to know these thoughts..lol I told you I'm nosey).. shit.. now I've got myself cryin' lol.. I'm so retarded... How the power of thought could be so.... Powerful.. Loveyabye