Just Leave

I get to attached to people and they ultimately end up either leaving or not getting attached to me. I've always gotten attached to people so easily that when they leave or move on with their lives I'm left trapped in the feeling of abandonment. I adopt people as a surrogate family and they have no idea or even realize the impact they have on my life. I learn from these people a great deal and they have no idea they are helping me save my life. DR has been like a sort of brother/father figure to me. He somehow knows how to take situations and teach me how to handle things. Like water off of a duck. How do people do that? SK is like the big sister I never had. I've always been the person that has been looked up to.. I look up to her now. Just like sisters don't always get along. We don't either. CT same thing.. only she's a little nicer. There are others.. that when they just remember my name make me feel on top of the world. People who have no idea that their lives impact mine so deeply that I'll always remember them no matter where they go.. and I do care about them as well. I would never say that.. not to them.. not ever... My attachments to people border mental disorder. These people would think I was insane did they know I felt so deeply about them. How do you not care about others? Not just not care about people ... but how do you keep from getting so insanely attached to others that oftentimes you find yourself feeling sad when they leave? I don't think I've gotten as close to JD as I could have for that fact. Here are these people that don't even think about me after the day is done and then JD... I sometimes feel like I'm only going to get to enjoy what I've always wondered about for just a short time. There is actually really love that doesn't hurt and don't make you feel worthless. Love just because ya do. Unconditional. Yellow hair, blood clots, it doesn't matter. I guess maybe my feelings about myself keep me from believing it could be a permanent thing instead of a temporary one. Almost as if it's such a perfect thing.. a person like me couldn't be a part of that because I'm vile and I poison everything and everyone I touch or come into contact with.