Pain in the Neck

I just recovered from Lemierre's Syndrome, Mono, and Pnemonia. I feel great. LOL. People were asking me where I had been for two months when I finally went back to work. Someone said they had heard I had broncitis. I responded, "That's the only thing I didn't have". Rumors... You know those places can be. So now I'm back at work. Sarcastic whoo hoo.

I will be getting my new little puppy Thurs. It's lil Miss's sister. I'm so excited. They way it all happened makes me feel like lil Miss sent her to me so I would stop missing her so bad. Won't work... but I'm tickled to have the chance to hold her sister in my arms. Harley is too. He loved lil Miss like she was his sister. I guess she should have been.

I was reading back through the archives and damn... some of those entries will make you boo hoo like a baby. I musta really been down and out.

I still get that way somtimes I guess I just don't have time to write much anymore. *Sigh*

I think I jumped the boat a little bit when it came to something that concerned my mother.. I guess I could/should apologize, but having to defend myself for being sick to EVERYONE, I just don't really feel like it... and really it's probablly for the best. It's kind of wierd feeling not having any family. Almost like everyone I'm related to is acquaintances. No it's not really.. I was being sarcastic.. That's a normal feeling.

I'm going to school now trying to become a paralegal. I guess It's the closest thing to a forensic pathologist (which I wanted to be WAY before CSI came out... and you can ask anyone that knows me...) So now it's not so cool to want to be a CSI or a forensic pathologist because of the show... however I think I like having the show moreso than I like admitting that I wanted to be a CSI and like I'll ever be able to do that anyway so I'm just gonna hang with having the show.

I'm pretty much the same now still.. only going through almost DYING kinda made me reflect. The night I was lying on my couch and between gasping for air and feeling my soul slip out of my body I was telling Jon what to tell my family and what I wanted to go where.. Of course legally my stuff would probablly just all be Harley's.. but what would he want with my clothes and books..

I was so close to crossing over that I literally had layed there and decided my property's fate.. Not that I have anything.... I told him to tell my mother that I was sorry for holding on to so much stuff and not being like my sister and letting it go. I told him to tell my son that He was the most precious thing to me and to never doubt my love for him because if I hadn't died on my couch from tonsilitits I would have layed down and died for him anyday. I wanted my sister to know that she always looked up to me when I was younger.... but it was I that looked up to her when she became a mother. I wanted my aunt to know that I would never have made it through life without her guidance and love. I wanted to thank her for allowing me to call Jamie and Brad my brother and sister. I was excited about being able to see Brad and Steve and have them introduce me to Dale. I wanted my grandmother to not to worry about me because I would be home and to tell her I was sorry I couldn't call her on the weekends anymore. There was a lot more I would have said then.. but I was trying to rush things because I could feel myself slipping away. When I got out of the hospital... it was then that I elaborated on what exactly I wanted to tell everyone.. but by that time the telling was pointless...

somethings were

Elaine.. I'm sorry I broke Brad's slide that one time... and scared you at the beach when I was 14. I always tried to make you proud..I love you

Tiffany.. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings a lot when we where younger.. I was an angry kid... I loved you tho.. and still do..

Mamaw.. I'm sorry I was an angry kid... I could never repay you for what you've done for me...I love you

Mom.. I'm sorry I was born to you.. I'm sorry my dad was a jerk.. I love you

Dad...Bobby.. just to clarify.. Thanks for my fondest memories.. and a wonderful example of unconditional love. I love you

Michael.. thanks for proving to me that even brother's are dangerous. Harley will be an only child.

David.. thanks for getting out I love you

Bo.. thanks for allowing me to meet my niece's I love you

Jamie.. thanks for being my little sister..thanks for proving life is good. I love you

Brad.. thanks for making me feel like someone was proud to call me family, sister, friend. You will never know what that made me feel like. I love you

Steve.. thanks for allowing me to know you. I'm not scared anymore. You see me now. I love you.

Harley... I could not begin to write what I want to say to you my darling little boy. So now that I live.. I shall spend everyday showing you the words my fingers fail to write and the words my tongue may not speak for there are no words in which to describe the love I have for you my darling son. I love you.

*loveyaHi*